ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
