Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Why is there bacon in the couch?
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