apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
