Just fell off a train. Bad.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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