There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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