I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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