remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
