Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
wrigley field is MILF paradise
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
i think im in europe. pls send help
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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