So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Randomize
