I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
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