My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
