allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Randomize
