can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Randomize
