sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Randomize
