North Korea, Best Korea!
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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