Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Me. At least after what I've been through.
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
