its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
