I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Randomize
