Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
