Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
