I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
You may now shotgun with the bride
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
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