Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
