I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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