why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I DEMAND FORESKIN
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
