Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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