When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
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