Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I FOUND THE LEGS
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
