just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize
