We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
