do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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