BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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