4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
