You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
