I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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