I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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