There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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