Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
