the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
