Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
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