His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
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