Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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