You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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