Just mADE A PArabola og urine
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
