Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
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