Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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