they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
