Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
