her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
