do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
