So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
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