so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
